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this is for miles... [02 Nov 2004|12:59am]
[ mood | loved ]

You've given me the chance, To be held and understood. You leave me laughing without crying, There's no use denying, For many times I've tried, Love has never felt as good.  You make it easy to watch the world with love, You make it easy to let the past be done, You make it easy. How'd you do it ? How'd you find me ? How did I find you? How can this be true? To be held and understood.

Miles: I would just like to tell you what an amazing boyfriend you are. You have been there for me since the beginning. When I first met you, first saw you in that hallway, I thought you were cute. Later, in your room, I thought you were funny, witty, and smart. Now I know that you are these things, but you are also sweet and perfect. And even if you are not completely “perfect” you are perfect for me.



Buckets of rain, Buckets of tears, Got all them buckets comin' out of my ears. 
Buckets of moonbeams in my hand, I got all the love, honey baby,you can stand.
Miles: I will always be there for you, even if we break up for the umpteenth time, 
I will love you and want to be with you. I think its funny that no matter how much 
we promise ourselves (and Erica) that we are actually going to stay broken up this time, 
we always get back together. 

 I've seen love go by my door it’s never been this close before, never been so easy or so slow. Been shooting in the dark too long, when somethin's not right it's wrong, yer gonna make me lonesome when you go.Dragon clouds so high above, I've only known careless love, It's always hit me from below. This time around it's more correct, right on target, so direct…You could make me cry if you don't know. Can't remember what I was thinkin' of, You might be spoilin' me, too much love, Yer gonna make me lonesome when you go…I could stay with you forever and never realize the time. Situations have ended sad, Relationships have all been bad. Mine've been like Verlaine's and Rimbaud.But there's no way I can compare all those scenes to this affair, Yer gonna make me lonesome when you go. Yer gonna make me wonder what I'm doin', stayin' far behind without you. Yer gonna make me wonder what I'm sayin', Yer gonna make me give myself a good talkin' to.

 Miles: I remember nights cuddling, eating skyline and watching sports night. 
You (and Erica) made going to purchase livable. And you are the only reason 
that I am making it through wagner. Before you I dated another guy, and when 
I was with him, I was scared to break up because I was scared to be alone, 
I was scared to be who I was. Now I am independent and I know that I could 
live without you, it would just be a sad existence. So this is just a little 
entry to let you know that I have appreciated the fact that you let me babble 
on every night about being depressed or random things that have happened to me 
and you let me. And you don’t seem to be bored or annoyed that I am doing it. 

I’m a high school lover, and you’re my favorite flavor. Love is all, all my soul: you’re my Playground Love.
Yet my hands are shaking, I feel my body remains, times no matter, I’m on fire, on the playground, love.
You’re the piece of gold that flushes all my soul. Extra time, on the ground. You’re my Playground Love.
Anytime, anywhere,  You’re my Playground Love.


Miles: I wish that instead of writing this, we were together, but we are not (obviously) so I am writing this to let you know how much I love you and to further assuage any doubts you had about other guys. You know that I would never leave you, that you are the only guy for me. No other guy could compare, no other guy could even come close.


So he's holding me in his arms, and he's giving me sweet little kisse and he's telling me he'll never harm me, and he's whispering how wonderful this is. And I tell him that I love him, and I tell him I'll be true, and I've said these things to other boys, but right now the old words feel so new. And I ask him "how did I get so lucky? I didn't even have to try" "I don't know," he says, "I'm nothing special, I'm just some guy."


Miles: ok, this is all the maudlin stuff I am going to write because everyone can read this and they are probably rolling their eyes right now. Anyway, who cares about them. I love you I love you I love you. And you will always be my rellim, my rye, and I will be your Katie b., you ham. Haha. Sorry, I just had to put that in to make you smiles. I love you always.


Love, love me do. You know I love you, I'll always be true, So please, love me do.
2 kissed me|gimme some lovin’

[01 Nov 2004|07:57pm]

Your Emo Boy Fantasy (P.L.Z.)
Full Name
His name: Mark
You met at: at an anti-bush protest
You go on a date to: To your favourite band when they're in town
He calls you: by your full name
He secretly wants to: Marry you
His quirky mannerisim: Being Christian but still fucking you (sorry making love to you) like there is no tomorrow
This quiz by caustic_heart - Taken 8202 Times.
New - COOL Dating Tips and Romance Advice!

1 kissed me|gimme some lovin’

[01 Nov 2004|01:30am]
[ mood | confused ]

You Know You're From Connecticut If

  1. You have hiked up a big hill or small mountain at least once for a keg party.
  2. You never went to a bar in high school.
  3. You thought that the only highways were 91 and 84.
  4. You thought everyone couldn't buy beer after 8 pm
  5. You actually thought that Hartford was big
  6. You or someone you know has attended UCONN
  7. You drive a JETTA
  8. You still think that the Whalers are cool.
  9. You have been to Misquamicut and to that little hot dog place.
  10. There is a farm within miles of your house
  11. You thought bars were really for people over 21
  12. Your high school thanksgiving football game was the highlight of your school year.
  13. You don't have an accent when you talk
  14. You have known at least 2 preppy rich kids from Fairfield who listen to Phish.
  15. You love Hilton Kaderli and your mom cried when he retired.
  16. UConn basketball rules and no one can tell you different
  17. You have deer in your backyard.
  18. You didn't drink or do drugs until 10th grade.
  19. You still don't understand why people say that Connecticut is the richest state.....
  20. Your best friend went to Central, Western, Eastern and finally Manchester Community College.
  21. Your mom works at Travelers and your dad works at Pratt and Whitney. (well, my dad works @ Cigna)
  22. You have been drunk at the Meadows and don't remember the concert. (counting crows, anyone??)
  23. You go to Riverside at least once a summer
  24. Your parents actually care about the Governor, the Patriots coming to Hartford, the lights at Christmas in Hartford & Channel 3 news.
  25. You have a UCONN flag outside of your house year round
  26. You thought New Jersey was a toxic waste dump
  27. You hang out at Denny's
  28. You've partied at bonfires
  29. You have at least one friend with a pickup
  30. You think everyone works tobacco in the summer
  31. You think Old Lyme is a shore town
  32. You've been to Cape Cod
  33. You think the Connecticut River is endless
  34. The town Diner is the only place open after midnight.
  35. You have at least 4 friends who drive Jeep Grand Cherokees
  36. You root for all the New York sports teams
  37. If anybody asks, you're from just outside of New York.
  38. You've never looked at a public bus schedule
  39. You have both girlfriends and guyfriends with the same name.
  40. You go to the diner late night to post party.
  41. You think New Haven is the worst ghetto you've ever seen
  42. You can proudly tell an outsider about Nutmeg.
  43. You weekend either on the Cape or Rhode Island at a summer home
  44. You have said... " I'm in a good location... Between both Boston and New York."
  45. You can carry on a conversation about Mike Liut, Torrie Robertson, and the Brass Bonanza.
  46. You have to explain Cow Tipping to people from out of state.
  47. When you go to a real city, you sincerely feel bad for every poor / homeless person you see.
  48. You get pissed at anyone who doesn't know how to drive in the snow.
  49. You can name all the members of the UCONN men's and women's basketball teams.
  50. You still can't find your way in Hartford (except for that bar area near Union Station.)
  51. You hold the door open for someone and they don't say "Thank You."

all the blue ones are ones that are actually true for me...uncanny little list, isnt it??

coming soon: 100 things (or more) that Jared and Kat have actually done....

(ok, so i am a loser and i have wayy too much time on my hands. so sue me. but dont. please. because i have no money. oh well. thats all for this post. but i see a lot of free time on my hands in the future, as i have completely alienated myself here and now have no friends. aaaaanyway, i lahve you all and call me all the time to make me feel better. ooh, its working...my phone is ringing as we speak. g2g.)

gimme some lovin’

BAAAACK AT THE WAAAAG [28 Oct 2004|07:18pm]

back at the wag...and happy to be here!!!!

so, everyone already knows that i have been horribly depressed almost the entire time i have been here. so i FINALLY meet with my doctor and she tells me that the medicine that i was on was actually making it worse because dopomine (sp?) isnt my problem. so she put me back on my old meds. i was, of course, rather skeptical, but almost immediatly i began to feel better. i havent been depressed since. i know that i will still have my off days, but i'll be so much better than i was before.

thank you thank you THANK YOU to all my friends at wagner for helping me through this craziness and still loving me, it really means a lt.

and thank you to jim and jon back home for your support.

and, obviously, miles and erica for loving me always.


                                I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!!!

4 kissed me|gimme some lovin’

beautiful.. [28 Oct 2004|07:13pm]
Once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines
    he wrote a poem
And he called it "Chops"
    because that was the name of his dog
And that's what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
    and a gold star
And his mother hung it on the kitchen door
    and read it to his aunts
That was the year that Father Tracy
    took all the kids to the zoo
And he let them sing on the bus
And his little sister was born
    with tiny toenails and no hair
And his mother and father kissed a lot
And the girl around the corner sent him a
    valentine signed with a row of X's
    and he had to ask his father what the X's meant
And his father always tucked him in bed at night
And was always there to do it

Once on a piece of white paper with blue lines
    he wrote a poem
And he called it "Autumn"
    because that aws the name of the season
And that's what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
    and asked him to write more clearly
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
    because of its new paint
And the kids told him
    that Father Tracy smoked cigars
And left butts on the pews
And sometimes they would burn holes
That was the year his sister got glasses
    with thick lenses and black frames
And the girl around the corner laughed
    when he asked her to go see Santa Claus
And the kids told him why
    his mother and father kissed a lot
And his father never tucked him in bed at night
And his father got mad
    when he cried for him to do it.

Once on a paper torn from his notebook
    he wrote a poem
And he called it "Innocence: A Question"
    because that was the question about his girl
And that's what it was all about
And his professor gave him an A
    and a strange steady look
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
    because he never showed her
That was the year that Father Tracy died
And he forgot how the end
    of the Apostle's Creed went
And he caught his sister making out on the back porch
And his mother and father never kissed
    or even talked
And the girl around the corner
    wore too much makeup
That made him cough when he kissed her
    but he kissed her anyway
    because that was the thing to do
And at three A.M. he tucked himself into bed
    his father snoring soundly

That's why on the back of a brown paper bag
    he tried another poem
And he called it "Absolutely Nothing"
Because that's what it was really all about
And he gave himself an A
    and a slash on each damned wrist
And he hung it on the bathroom door
    because this time he didn't think
    he could reach the kitchen.

1 kissed me|gimme some lovin’

melodramatic... [20 Oct 2004|06:30pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

If you wanna know the truth about my life it's a mess it's a mess it's a mess it's a mess
If you wanna know the truth about my life I confess I confess I confess I confess
If you wanna know the truth about my life it's in disarray
I wish you met me earlier than today

Where did my friends go?
It seemed some nights I had so many
Where did my ends go?
It seems I used to make them meet but now I'm so incomplete


*sorry for the melodrama- i just feel so disconnected from everyone around me, like everyone knows that i will be gone soon so it doesnt matter, nothing about me matters.*

2 kissed me|gimme some lovin’

And I can't make it on my own, because my heart is in Ohio... [19 Oct 2004|01:32am]
[ mood | listless ]

bleck. another week is begining here at wagner. we will see how it goes. i am optimistic. (ok, i'm not, but i am trying to be optimistic.) friday and saturday i am doing kristy cates stuff, which is cool. except that i'd much rather go to UCB with erica then pay to see the concert. i might try to bow out of seeing it because i really dont have the money and frankly, i would really like to see erica. (and her boy!!!!)


things are really weird here. i have been confiding in the weirdest people- firstly, the people in two livejournal communities (who have been really cool), and my friends jon and jim, who i havent talked to in FOREVER!!  both of them can understand where i am coming from and that is helpful. and of course miles knows all this shit. without him, i honestly wouldnt be able to go on. when i see erica i will talk to her because she is smart and awesome and she will totally be able to understand. its strange, i have even been talking to my mom about this. she is really worried about me.


i havent talked to my friends back home though (excepting jim and jon). i am afraid to tell them. i know that they will be so worried and i dont want to ruin their time at college, or worse, push them away from me because they feel awkward. i dont want to put my problems on other people, which i feel like i have been doing. its just that i really am drowning, suffocating. i feel trapped, stressed, pressured. "You see it, Igby? I feel this great, great pressure coming down on me. It's constantly coming down on me. It's crushing me."


whatevs. i'm gonna get over this...right? haha...ok. well, i should get to sleep. no sense in wasting valuable sleep time. erica: i am totally going through that phase that you went through months and months ago...the 'i wanna go somewhere and sleep' stage. i didnt understand it when u were in it, and i apoligize!! ok, night lovahs!

3 kissed me|gimme some lovin’

lalala... [15 Oct 2004|11:00am]

1. Copy this whole list into your journal.
2. Bold the things that are true about you.
3. Whatever you don't bold is false.

01. I miss somebody right now. (miles)
02. I don't watch much TV these days
03. I love olives
04. I love sleeping
05. I own lots of books

06. I wear glasses or contact lenses
07. I love to play video games
08. I’ve drank alcohol
09. I’ve watched porn movies

10. I have been in a threesome
11. I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship
12. I believe honesty is usually the best policy
13. I have acne free skin
14. I like and respect Al Sharpton
15. I curse frequently
16. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year
17. I have a hobby

18. I’ve been told I: (women) have an applebottom, (men) I’m packing
19. I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me
20. I’m really, really smart
21. I’ve never broken someone’s bones
22. I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal
23. I hate the rain
24. I’m paranoid at times
25. I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free
26. I need money right now!
27. I love Sushi
28. I talk really, really fast
29. I have fresh breath in the morning
30. I have semi-long hair
31. I have lost money in
Las Vegas
32. I have at least one brother and/or one sister (try a MILLION!)
33. I was born in a country outside of the
34. I shave my legs (females) or face (males) on a regular basis
35. I have a twin
36. I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past
37. I couldn’t survive without Caller I.D.
38. I like the way that I look sometimes
39. I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months
40. I know how to cornrow
41. I am usually pessimistic
42. I have a lot of mood swings (uhm YES!!! Haha)
43. I think prostitution should be legalized
44. I think Britney Spears is hot (when she wears makeup)
45. I have cheated on a significant other in the past
46. I have a hidden talent
47. I’m always hyper no matter how much sugar I have

48. I think that I’m popular
49. I am currently single
50. I have kissed someone of the same sex
51. I enjoy talking on the phone
52. I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants
53. I love to shop (I’m a shop-a-holic. Seriously.)
54. I would rather shop than eat
55. I would classify myself as ghetto
56. I’m bourgeois and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders
57. I’m obsessed with my Xanga or Livejournal (I’m not OBSESSED…)

58. I don’t hate anyone. I dislike them.
59. I’m a pretty good dancer (well, u all know that my African dance is AMAZING!!)
60. I don’t think Mike Tyson raped Desiree Washington
61. I’m completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother
62. I have a cell phone
63. I believe in God (and a Goddess)

64. I watch MTV on a daily basis
65. I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months
66. I love drama
67. I have never been in a real relationship before
68. I’ve rejected someone before
69. I currently have a crush on someone.

70. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life
71. I want to have children in the future
72. I have changed a diaper before

73. I’ve called the cops on a friend before
74. I bite my nails
75. I am a member of the Tom Green fan club
76. I’m not allergic to anything
77. I have a lot to learn
78. I have dated someone at least 10 years older or younger than I
79. I plan on seeing Ice Cube’s newest "Friday" movie (huh??)
80. I am very shy around the opposite sex sometimes
81. I’m online 24/7, even as an away message (definitely)
82. I have at least 5 away messages saved (try 5,000)
83. I have tried alcohol or drugs before

84. I have made a move on a friend’s significant other in the past
85. I own the "
South Park" movie
86. I have avoided assignments at work/school to be on Xanga or Livejournal
87. When I was a kid I played "the birds and the bees" with a neighbor or chum
88. I enjoy some country music
89. I would die for my best friends if i had to

90. I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza
91. I watch soap operas whenever I can
92. I’m obsessive, anal retentive, and often a perfectionist (yupp!)
93. I have used my sexuality to advance my career

94. I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all
95. I know all the words to Slick Rick’s "Children’s Story" (what????????)
96. Halloween is awesome because you get free candy
97. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it
98. I have dated a close friend’s ex (have i? I don’t remember…no, I don’t think so)
99. I have cut my self before

100. i am happy at this moment

2 kissed me|gimme some lovin’

home again home again... [12 Oct 2004|04:15pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

back @ wagner. blah. no i really cant wait to see everyone. too bad they wont be back for a while.

i really meant to update at least once in cincinnati, put i couldnt! everytime that i had free time to update, i thought about what a waste of good miles-time it was! it was hard to force myself to come back here. i reaaally wanted to stay. miles, as always, was the voice of reason and convinced me that i should come back. he almost ruined that by pouting while he was saying it. lol. his apartment is GREAT! its really pretty and comfortable and i just love it. (especially the record player! haha) his parents were great too. (i fear i am saying 'great' too much, but i cant help it) we watched dvds of baby miles and jane. they were too cute for words. what happened, mils?

i had the best time. saturday may have actually been the best day of my life. there are no words in the english language to describe how great a time i had. even the travel there and back was...interesting. more on that later, i think i am going to go order chinese food! yay

gimme some lovin’

[02 Oct 2004|12:51am]
okay i am rapidly sobering up. mainly because i hate people here. fuck this. i dont blame rachel for dictching us all for someone new the first second she got. no one here cares about anyone. or maybe its just me tghey do not care for. if they did i would not be sitting in my room in tears drunk and alone. who lets a drunk wander off? especially whilst crying. thanks guys. thank u for making my decision to ruin my fucking life and drop out of school easy. i hate this place and i shouldnt be typing this becaise not onlly and i going to regert this, but i am using poor grammer. oh god oh god. okay i am under control. audie if i was a guy either gay or good looking would u sit wuth me right now? yes. ben if i was an emoptionaly unavailable ass hole would u pay me attentiuon? yes. jared if i was ur type and u wnated to fuck me would u be with me right now? yes. but audie is at a party with ben and jared is with jenny and that is just how it is supposed to be. steve called. i love steve. i really do. i am going to go. i am sad becuiase i love ben and audie and jared so much and i have taken care of all 3 of them and i dont know what i am writing but i think that in the morning they will all ahte me and i dont know why and i am sorry that i messed up and i tried so hard to be good and funny and nice but like my mom always said i am a bad person and no one will ever love me because i am bad and horrible and she is right and i am crying and i am leaving
4 kissed me|gimme some lovin’

not sober [02 Oct 2004|12:00am]
[ mood | detached and obserbiving ]

drnku fuck drunk is what i mean by that...i ma not having fun because swe dont do anything here that involves fun or something and i think that jared should just do it ebcuase it would be beetter then in the olng run and i cannot spell properly and u know whjat i mean and ben and audie are wrong about what they think and i think if they wwere right we would be the forst to know asnd we would admit it becuse i don t do the denial thing. jenny is whing whining that hse and jearde dont talk anynmore. that is sad i would be sad if we didnt talk. ooh jeard said he and jeeen should go to the oval, which they should,,,ok i am done now becauise everyone who matters knows what i m thinking. okay i love u lovajsh and by loivahds i mwean audie andeben and jareed so there. u guyzz rock m socks

gimme some lovin’

[01 Oct 2004|03:02pm]
[ mood | guilty ]

okay, first off: please, please please PLEASE vote for John Kerry. if you are thinking of not voting or (god forbid) voting for Bush, please talk to me first...post here or call me or SOMETHING, and we will discuss.

i feel really hurt that that skank ass beotch...i mean, racheal, doesnt like ben and i. i mean, we loved her from the start and she doesnt want to hang with us? that is harsh. we would NEVER say (or think for that matter) anything like that. ooookay, sweetie pie, we HATE you. thats how it is. thats why we pulled u aside and asked you to spend more time with us. and talking about being fat is getting old. how is that nice to everyone who is bigger than her, but isnt fat? it makes them feel like shit. (as i am writing this, audie is nodding. lol) aargh!!!!!!

wow, that sounded harsh...it honestly wasnt meant to be. i love everyone here so much, and i am really sad that racheal doesnt count me among her friends. i've always believed that Rent mantra of "forget regret, or life is yours to miss" but since i have been here, i have had so many regrets. namely that i havent gotten closer to some of the girls here. i mean, i am getting closer to audie, and she is fucking amazing. after that heart-to-heart talk ben, audie, jared and i had, i feel much closer to them. (and hey, it was informational: jared and i found out that we are in love. lol) but obviously rach has no intention of getting to know me, and thats sad. whats worse, when i was drunk i was a total skank to poor jenny, who i FINALLY was starting to get close to. (no one ever said that i had good timing) i want to apoligize to jenny, and explain that most of what i was saying was directed at Adrienne and Alex (also known as the stick figures with no souls) and had nothing to do with her. but i dont want to risk hurting her more by bringing it up. so basically, its just sort of awkward between us, which sucks, because, despite being a republican, shes actually pretty cool. sooo...yeah. i have regrets right now.

I know you think no one knows you, but you don't know

You think you've got nowhere to go, you're not alone

I know they just won't let you be,

they push and pray

Don't run away

You can't be anyone else,

you've got to be yourself

You can do so much more than survive

There's something your so afraid of,

you refuse to see

If you caught a glimpse of what your made of,

you would be free

I know you know

1 kissed me|gimme some lovin’

BOO YOU WHORE! [26 Sep 2004|07:14pm]

Take the Quiz: Which Mean Girl are you?

You are Regina George! You are the nastiest person in the world!

**Haha...we are obsessed with Mean Girls and i am Regina...i lahve her...god i'm a beotch!**

gimme some lovin’

[23 Sep 2004|04:47pm]
[ mood | working ]

Okay, i am finally updating...sorry! i am no longer mad at ben. well, for this second, anyway. i am excited about seeing erica tomorrow...not excited by the fact that i have 3 papers and a test next week. i get to see miles soon, too. i am spending colombus break there. i am soo overwhelmed with work right now, so i am going to go work on that...but i love u all. more latah, lovahs...

1 kissed me|gimme some lovin’

do you like to hurt? i do, i do. then hurt ME! [18 Sep 2004|02:24pm]
[ mood | excited ]

i am so tired of people right now.

i have had a long week and i wanted one day to rest.

actually, what i really wanted to do was to go into manhattan and have lunch with meg, but that didn't work out.

ben had plans to sleep over at marymount last night, but he missed the ferry, so he stayed home. he then decided that he would go today and sleep over tonight. he invited me to go, not because he wanted to hang out, but because he didn't want to go in alone. i agreed, because i am a card-carrying member of POWMEH. i woke up this morning and decided that i really had to clean my room (its a mess!) and do a million loads of laundry, and i have lots of homework- a paper for one class and a project for another. i told ben that i really, really didn't want to go, that i had a lot of stuff to get done. instead of respecting my feelings, he begged me to go. i was barely able to stick to my guns. then, he HANGS UP ON ME!!! oh yes, we are apparently in 6th grade. i feel guilty after a few minutes, so i decide to IM him and tell him that fine, i will go. and i see his away message: "friends..they just let you down dont they. out with friends who dont disappoint.. " WTF?!?

i was really getting annoyed with ben before this, but thats it. screw him. i don't need that shit. i feel like he takes me for granted. we have NEVER hung out in my room. i like my room and i would like it if he would occasionally hang here with me. i help him with anything he needs (for example, lending him money and helping with laundry) and he just mocks me. he tries to make me feel bad because i want to be in a sorority, telling me that i am not like 'those girls' but 'those girls' are some of the nicest, smartest, and kindest people i have ever met. aaanyway, i am so mad right now.

i was thinking about calling him and being like 'we need to talk' but if he wants to talk he can march his ass up to the 10th floor and apoligize. (which, of course, he wont)

*let me just take a break from ranting and raving and say how much i <3 jared and miles! they are my best friends and both of them are always there for me. thank you guys. (and miles: i looove you!)

ok, done with being bitchy!! i am ready to have a great day. i will feel so happy once i get all my work done. i think that i will spend my evening watching a movie and reading. yay! (no, seriously, i am really excited. i just cant decide if i should watch 'igby goes down' or 'the royal tenenbaums' )


3 kissed me|gimme some lovin’

[18 Sep 2004|02:48am]

i won, yo!!

and by using up the last of my paypal money...it only cost $12.13, including the cost of rushing it here! (hey, i hate waiting)

k, g'night fo' real.



apparently, i get ghetto when i am tired....





gimme some lovin’

How could you not see how much you mean to me?I’m dying a little inside each time you set me free [18 Sep 2004|02:12am]
[ mood | bouncy ]

miles and i are...weird. he, as an individual, is amazing. i cant even go into how happy i am that he and i are, uhm, friends (?) right now...he did the CUTEST thing tonight. i am not going to explain the whole thing, lets just suffice to say that i love him, and will always love him!

i dunno...i dont have much to say...i am just staying up to see if i win an ebay auction. (ok, i admit it, i am a shopaholic. audie and i will go into therapy together) dont worry tho, its a cheap auction. even with s&h, the most it could come to is 20$.

c'mon ebay...

ooh, i wrote 2 songs today. i am not going to post them on here, because that is just pathetic. but i like them. they are not very good, but hey, they are a first attempt!! jared told me that i had to write a song and he would write the music for it. miles wrote the music to the second one i wrote. it was fun, hearing what i wrote put to music.

jennie is here now. i give her two thumbs up. she made a good first impression. not to sound shallow, but...she was wearing 7 jeans and had a big juicy bag. her shirt was cute, she was really pretty, and...well, jared seemed really happy. and what more could i want? i hope they stay together, because she really seems to understand him. oh, and i talked to her: she seems VERY nice and funny and sweet. i thoroughly approve. she prolly wasnt too fond of me, however. i know that if miles had a friend who was a girl who introduced to me as his 'favourite' i would be a tad bit jealous. but i'm jared has informed jennie that while i love him to death, i am not IN love with him, and he isnt IN love with me.


so, yes. that is my friday. o! and my roomie got ADPi, her top choice sorority. i am soo proud of her! she is going to have a blast!

lalala...15 more minutes. damn u, ebay, damn u to hell. no! i take it back...i lahve u!i laaahve u! (hey, i want to win! lol)

ok, that is eNoUgH!! i am off to my bed...g'night everyone!

1 kissed me|gimme some lovin’

'forget regret, or life is yours to miss...' [14 Sep 2004|04:10pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

i have made a decision: i am going to enjoy being single. and, i am going to be incredibly picky about my next boy. (sorry ben, no little chair babies)

these are my criteria: smart, funny, attractive, NOT AN ACTOR, maybe a musican (preferable not), and STRAIGHT!! i am swearing off those bi-curious boys

oh, i dont know. i mean, i cant date a footballer or something, i'd die. i like being able to discuss theatre with my dates. i think i'd like him to be a painter or a poet. that would be nice. i like guys with a softer side (which is probably why i date bi-curious men) alas, i have not met any guys who fulfill my requirements. a painter would be nice, now that i am thinking about it, because miles wrote songs about me, and ian wrote poems. (although i do have a weakness for both. thats a good way to make me feel loved, boys!) but a painting would be cool. a sketch or maybe an abstract work...

are there any painters at wagner?? there were so many V.A. majors at Purchase. maybe i should have stayed....yeah right!

*sigh* is it sad that the one thing that i want more than anything is the one thing that i can never have?  all i have wanted, my whole life, was unconditional love and a safe place to live. the unconditional love doesnt even have to be from someone that i am in a sexual relationship with, although that would be incredibly nice. i just want one person who loves me BEST and puts me first, and i want a place to live that no one can ever kick me out of. all of my bf's have hated my parents, and offered to let me live with them...but once we break up, i lose that safe place. only two of my relationships were long term, and both boys wanted to get married and both wanted me to skip college and move in with them. after the endings of both relationships i felt guilty, like if only i had given up college, we would still be together. maybe if i had lived with them, i might have been able to make the relationship work.

i have such a perverse nature. i am theatre trash. i love every musical, every straight play. i would spend my last few dollars to see some crappy show. i love every aspect of theatre, from street performers to Broadway actors. i will probably, if i am lucky, end up a gypsy, traveling from one show to the next, struggling to pay the rent, and moving from one horrid apartment to the next. and all i really want is love and stablility- the two things that the theatre world can never give me.

this was long, too long...sorry. if there are any straight boys out there...the way to my heart is through song, poetry, prose, or paintings. i like my boys talented. thats it for now. leave some love....

4 kissed me|gimme some lovin’

i want a lover i dont have to love, i want a boy whos so drunk he doesn't talk [07 Sep 2004|05:43pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

so, its sorta funny: last time i updated i wrote about breaking up with miles and yesterday i meant to update again and say that we got back together the next day. buuut, before i could update, we broke up again. lol. i miss him, of course, because he was so much fun and we always had something to talk about, but lately he hasnt been paying me enough attention. (i am sure that he would say the same about me) he hasnt emailed or IM'd me since i have been at Wagner. he rarely calls, and when he does, he had nothing to talk about. i'd bet 100$ that he couldnt name my friends. i know that he couldnt name my classses! anyway, thats all the boring, emotional shit that has happened in the past 24 hours. lots of good stuff has happened recently, too:

i've gotten closer to my friends here. they are all wicked cool and i love them to death. the cutest is racheal, i feel like shes my little sister. i love it. (rach, if u are reading this, dont be offended, u are a little younger than me! lol) audie is also amazing and we have so much in common. (and by so much, i mean a love of lust shopping and all kinds of fashion) ben is his same crazy self and i will always love him. i spend most of my time in steve and jareds room, and they were so wonderful last night. i cried in front of them. yes, i know, that is so not me. i never cry, and when i do it is alone or with select people. they made me feel so much better about the whole miles thing. steve is a cutie, he thinks that i hate him, no matter how many times i tell him that i love him!! jared...well, the best way to describe him is to think of the male version of me. he's (almost) as crazy as i am, and he's rather funny. he doesnt think that he is smart, but the other night we talked politics for hours. lets see...who am i forgetting? oh, kate. kate is way cool. she is funny and insightful. she lives on staten island and has a car, which is a bonus, but thats not why we like her: she is hysterical. she has a dry humour and she is a good friend. i also skipped tj, but everyone knows about my love for him already. and jen. i dont really have a handle on jen. she seems really sweet and like she would be great friend, but i have this feeling like she doesnt like me. i feel like we are battling and i dont know why. ok, that was really long. sorry guys! i just wanted you all to know what my new best friends were like. lol jk. i love u guys, still.

ok, well, i am absolutley starving. as u can prolly tell from my atrocious spelling and vocabulary. i'm going to go meet steve in his room. i need to eat tonight, because we will be partying and i need my strength! (erica: my hip bones are starting to emerge...yay!!)

3 kissed me|gimme some lovin’

kat and rellim [31 Aug 2004|04:30pm]
[ mood | cranky ]

miles and i are no more. alas, i broke up with him last night. it was ok. he took it really well and we may actually be friends, although i doubt that we will talk overmuch. i loved him, i just dont know in what way. i think that i just need tyme away from him, tyme to be myself. unfortunatly, there are no straight guys at wagner. really. if there are any straight guys in the tri-state area, preferably single ones, leave me a message on here, we will talk.

in other news, school is going well. as ben knows, i am totally over some people here. namely...well, its really not polite to name names. but other than those few people, everyone else is really cool. my acting class seems like it will be way fun, although my art class is going to blow, i can already tell.

i really have no news, i'm just sitting in jared and steves room, bored, waiting for everyone to get back from class. i guess that i will update again soon. you know, when i actually have something to say...

2 kissed me|gimme some lovin’

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